We all get them…I read several blogs that discuss them in depth… flirty text messages. Well they come to me from a few different women…all seem to be single moms…all ones that I have dated and experienced degrees of intimacy with. For the most part I tease back and never act on them. Why? Well I really don’t want to be known as that guy (cause I am not) and they don’t have all I am looking for in a long term relationship. I have clearly communicated to them that I am not ready for a serious relationship…too much going on and not ready to lock it down. They validate it and say that’s ok…well in a general way.
So… A few days ago I got this message from one of my flirty text senders (aka: the school teacher):
ST: Whatcha doing?
Me: Fixing dinner? U?
ST: Just got out of the shower…went running
Me: Nice and wet I see…
ST: not anymore…I took care of that.
Me: Darn. Where are the kids?
ST: With mom at the pool
Me: Lucky you.
ST: So I was thinking…you wanna take a road trip?
Me: Where to? With?
ST: Anywhere. You and I.
Me: Really? Just us? When?
ST: When are you available?
Me: I’ll have to check on that.
ST: I am eager let me know.
Me: Ok. I will.
The school teacher is cute. She has a black dress that brings back some memories. She is witty. She is a great mom. All good right? Well there are some flags…two red and an orange that keep her from falling into the future bracket. However I am a man. A single man. Who doesn’t get out much…who remembers the black dress from a year ago, the jeans from that last happy hour, and the fact that she cracks me up when we hang out or talk. A Road trip would be fun…but I am not sure I can resist the temptation. Yes, I can be weak. The pull would be great.
So here is the dilemma…I have some free time coming up…and I really want to say: What the heck! Let’s split the costs and see what happens!!
Crap… I give in = that guy. I resist = single dad continues to fold laundry alone.
There you go…my current internal conflict.
9 comments
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May 20, 2008 at 4:57 pm
dadshouse
I don’t know all the circumstances, but offhand, I’d say go for it!. You don’t have to “do” anything, but you might, and it might be fun.
May 20, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Amy
Hmmm… I think it’s ok to go with it – I mean go on the trip – as long as you are absolutely clear with her as to what the trip means to you.
Oftentimes women are also “that guy” and are horny single moms cooking the dinner… They are also looking for fun, a friend, a bit of sex… and if it works out: great! If not, a fun trip.
I did that when I was newly single. I dated a guy who lived in Israel (I live in NYC!). I would only see him about once a month. I had no idea what would happen. But, I wasn’t looking for anything “big” at that point, he and I totally clicked, and figured a chance like that (meeting someone you connect with) does not come along very often. We went to California for 5 days. It was great.
We’ve since broken up (he couldn’t stand to be so far away from me. What can I say?
) but are still friends.
But, like I said – DO make sure it’s clear to her where you’re at & how you see the trip.
May 20, 2008 at 11:32 pm
yvette
Yay! Go! And enjoy it…
May 21, 2008 at 8:16 am
Exception
As long as everyone is on the same page… it could be great fun!!
(But that honestly being on the same page is very important!)
In the end, be true to yourself.
May 21, 2008 at 8:39 am
Tonya
I agree with Amy. Sometimes, it just feels good to have company. Don’t feel bad about it. Keep communication open and then just enjoy yourselves. There’s no need to analyze the hell out of it!! GO HAVE FUN!
May 22, 2008 at 12:00 pm
debra
By ‘that guy’ do you mean the guy these women can text when they just want some……I’m sure the male and female perspectives on ‘that guy’ are totally different, I wonder what ‘guy’ it is that you don’t want to be thought of as?
Go. It will be good for. You need a break from the mundane every day, you deserve some fun and companionship. You’ll come back refreshed, and a better parent for it. Besides, folding laundry is easier when you’re not so horny!
May 22, 2008 at 11:03 pm
OneManThreeKids
Ok – It is on. Seeing how I told her “just platonic, ok” when we started talking awhile back we should be cool. The trip is tentatively planned for the first weekend in June.
Hi Debra – By “that guy” I mean those who just sleep around without any level of commitment. I am not interested in just gaining notches on my bed post…I’d like to think I have some morals and a bit of character depth. That is what I meant. However my ego loves the idea that I am “that guy” who ladies would want to be with… especially those that have already been there. Nice to think…just not wise to always act.
Who knows…maybe Tonya is right…I should stop over thinking things…It is hard I am an analyst by nature and trade.
Stay tuned to the blogs after that weekend.
May 23, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Exception
I have always wanted to do something like that – to have one of those weekends that has no strings and no kids! (I have yet to do it, but should the opportunity arise… I am there)
May 27, 2008 at 11:07 am
QTMama
Well I just got back from a week long adventure of the same nature! (As you know!) And damn baby, I’m glad to see you’ve said yes. If she knows what’s up, she won’t have any unreal expectations. Or she’ll start to think she’s the one that can change your mind. I’m sorta interested in what the flags are, however, but that’s another story for another day. It’s ok to be that guy sometimes, because it does wonders for all involved.