It it’s a bit more complicated than that.

So after reading Modern Single Momma’s blog on the new TLC reality show “Must Love Kids”  I decided to record and watch them…to see a “real world” depiction of dating a single mom.

Of the three women I could only go for one… Vanessa. Ok, she is cute and I do have this tendency for blondes…but let’s move away from the physical. She is the only one that seems to have it together…IMHO. I am not bragging by any means…however I parent/care for three kids everyday…all me…no help. Tracy lets her kid run over her…and Kristin is just too quirky and comes with a live in mom (ugh).  Now Vanessa appears to have it together. She makes a healthy breakfast, they eat together, she invokes structure to her children’s lives, and she smiles all the time. In her interactions she is respectful and considerate…yet has a patient boldness.  She seems to be complete as a person. Content and confident in herself. I watched as she looked for what she wanted and quickly weeded out what didn’t work. She had no time to “wait and see” if they’d come around. She is a mom who carries all the hats…she desires a man that won’t be another “chore”.

I wish it were the fact that I needed them just to love my kids. I need someone that will ultimately be able to blend into a successful life with me. Do our values/beliefs support each other? Do our parenting styles mesh? What about financial issues? Is she willing to make sacrifices to make the relationship successful and harmonious? Does she like waffles? There is a lot to consider from both sides even with love present.

I often wonder how early these things should be discussed.  Should they come out in random conversation or should I be direct and throw it all out on the table? It seems I have always had subtle tests that start from the first meeting: Is she considerate of others? Is she comfortable in her own skin prior to alcohol intake? Can she defend her opinion intelligently? Is she positive or negative about life? Can she dance? Can she kiss? All things you can glean from those first date experiences if you so desire. Where is my TV show setting me up with a boat load of women to choose from?

Too many times we end up disappointed because of unmet expectations. Well I am tired of it. I believe you get what you go after.  I look for depth of personality, not bra size. I look at her character; bikini or tankini…not such a big deal.  Sorry. I’d rather be playing with my kids then flexing in the gym mirror. Of course she needs to be HWP…but then so should I.  For me I do best when I only date one person at a time or not date at all. After I determine that a future cannot be had then I’ll let them know. Yes, I tell them upfront that I ultimately want an LTR that could turn into marriage. If they are not interested then let’s be friends and move on. Face it, I can’t do casual dating…I like to attach…I am a one woman guy looking for a one guy woman. Period.

 Oh yeah, back to the show… To my knowledge… None of the potential suitors were guys with six pack abs… They all looked pretty average to me. We are moms and dads. Not models and gym rats.